Infertility + Loss - Morgan's Story
Infertility and Loss - Morgan’s story
The word infertility used to never be a part of my vocabulary. If you would have told me 10 years ago that I would have to do fertility treatments to have a biological baby, I wouldn’t have believed you. Infertility was never something that I was taught about in school or knew much about until we started having miscarriages. I remember packing up baby items after we lost our daughter Ivy and just crying out, “Why Me?! Why is this my story??”. All I had ever wanted was to be a mom. It just felt like my body was failing us and failing me. The waiting was causing me to feel very weary and lose hope.
We started fertility treatments, which was a long process that I could write a whole separate post about. We were blessed with our sweet rainbow baby after using multiple medications, injections and IUI’s. My pregnancy was very difficult and I was very anxious given our history. He was worth it all though. He is pure joy in our world, and we absolutely adore him. After he was born I thought, “okay now that he’s here, the trauma of infertility and loss will diminish”. I wish that I could say that is 100% true, to some extent yes he brought immense healing to our souls but infertility will always be a part of our story. We have not been able to get pregnant again since having Clarke, and we are moving forward with domestic adoption, which is something my husband and I have both always felt called towards. But even so, infertility trauma and grief will still catch me off guard. It will cause me to cry when I see pregnancy announcements of kids becoming big siblings, when friends get pregnant without trying, at Christmas when there are only 3 full stockings for our family when there should be more, or when I am asked on a doctor form how many children I have. It has impacted me in ways I can hardly explain fully. It has caused me to slow down and enjoy Clarke, not to take a single moment for granted, snuggle my baby longer, and meet many amazing women who are walking similar journeys. Motherhood is not something I take for granted, due to infertility.
Every day I get at least one message from someone asking about infertility. People ask me all the time, “How can I love on my friend who is dealing with infertility?”. If you aren’t dealing with infertility or loss, but have someone in your life who is then here are a few things I recommend.
Jewelry. Jewelry with birthstones, baby’s names, birth dates, or forget-me-nots are always some of my favorite gifts.
Listen. Just be there. You may not know what your friend is going through exactly but just be there. Show up. Bring a coffee. This is so important.
Take a Meal. When I was in the midst of pregnancy loss, doing anything felt impossible. We were so blessed to have gotten meals from friends and family.
If you are reading this and just found out you are infertile, have gone through pregnancy loss or stillbirth, or have dealt with secondary infertility and need support, please reach out. I would love to listen or direct you to another person who can even relate more specifically to your story. Please know you ARE NOT ALONE. 1 in 4 women will experience a miscarriage. 1 in 8 couples will experience infertility. Be gentle on yourself. Infertility is hard, give yourself grace. I hope and pray infertility, loss, stillbirth, and secondary infertility will become more prevalent topics in our society/church’s/ schools and that we can educate girls and young women so they know that they are not alone. I want everyone going through loss and infertility to feel surrounded with people who can relate to your story, and also that give you hope. You are not alone.