How to Make Friends as a Military Spouse

Oct 30, 2019

Making friends as a military spouse is probably the most difficult thing that I have had to do in my adult life. Yep, even more difficult than giving birth. Why is it so hard to make friends as a military spouse? With all of the moving and constant changes, it's no wonder that making friends as a military spouse can be difficult. We are creatures that have to constantly adapt and readapt and who wants to drag feelings and attachment in the form of military spouse friendships into the mix?

All of that being said, how to make friends as a military spouse is probably my most requested topic from the members of the Made in Mom Jeans community who are military spouses or dating someone in the military. We define our friendships until adulthood by proximity but when you become an adult and are thrust into military life as a new spouse or girlfriend, making friends as a military spouse suddenly seems foreign.

Making friends as an Army wife is something I struggled with at our first duty station. I can blame it on pregnancy symptoms but despite having tons of acquaintances and even close friends with us at our first duty station, forming meaningful friendships and creating social groups was really hard for me that first couple of months we were at Fort Benning. People I used to relate to on every level suddenly had a completely different experience than me. It was literally no one’s fault, just something I had to learn in that new phase of a military spouse. Basically what I'm saying is that I've been there and it can take time to find your place at a new post. That's a conversation for another day but for now, we're going to tackle how to make friends as a military spouse, here's my advice:

How to Make Friends as a Military Spouse

Don’t be afraid to use social media

Making friends as an Army wife or military spouse can be as easy as meeting people online. Some of the closest friends I've made in my short time as a military spouse have been made online. Chances are, you're already using social media anyway so you might as well make it work for you! If you're on Instagram, a great way to do this is to follow hashtags and accounts around the military base you're stationed.

Get involved on post

Getting involved in your local community, especially if you live on post, is probably one of the easiest ways to make friends as a military spouse. Look into playgroups, MWR activities, book clubs at the on-post library, etc. to see if your post is offering any fun events where you might be able to meet people. Getting involved with your spouse's unit is also another great way to meet people.

Reach out to your friends from other posts

If you've been a military spouse for any length of time, chances are you have friends who know at least one person stationed at your new military post. This is probably the easiest way to make friends as a military spouse. I am always surprised at how small the Army really is because I’m always finding someone I have mutual friends with either through the Army or through other means.

Introduce yourself to your neighbors

There used to be a time when getting to know your neighbors was a no brainer. Now it seems like a foreign concept to us. It can be difficult to get close to your neighbors too, especially as a military spouse because of how high the turnover rate for people coming and going is. Having gotten to my neighbors at our current post, I can 100% recommend that it's a great way to make friends, especially if they're in your age group or phase of life.

Protestant Women of the Chapel/Church groups

Even if you've never set foot in a bible study prior to becoming a military spouse, church groups both on and off-post are a great way to meet people and to make friends as a military spouse. Protestant Women of the Chapel (and the Catholic group as well) are weekly meetings where women come together for fellowship and to study the word. PWOC at Fort Benning is where I finally felt at home. It changes from post to post (here I haven’t felt quite the same about it) but it is a good option if you aren’t sure where to start but want to get involved in church.

Family Readiness Group Meetings

Remember earlier when I mentioned getting involved with your spouse's unit? Actually going to the FRG/SFRG meetings can... shocker... help you make friends! I know, who would have thought? Not only are FRG/SFRG meetings a great way to get information that your spouse (especially if he's a man) may be forgetting but they usually have fun events planned for families and kids making it a great way to meet other people and make friends.

Go places you can meet people

Even if you're not crazy about the idea of only making friends on post as a military spouse, get out of the house and go to places you can meet people. Yes, you can meet people online but sometimes just getting out of the house and going to a local play place or coffee shop can quickly introduce you to people. I've actually met a few people while perusing the aisles of our local thrift store. Check out local offerings at the public libraries and museums, churches, and other local areas where groups might get together.