Surviving the First Month of Deployment during a Global Pandemic
Today I wanted to chat a little bit about surviving the first month of deployment. Right now we’re in really unprecedented times and our first deployment has not been a traditional deployment in any way and that was even before the pandemic started. That being said, I do think that the first month of any deployment is kind of the hardest so I wanted to walk you through a few of the things that I did and things that I’ve learned through that.
Like a lot of people, I wasn’t initially concerned about this deployment or COVID-19. I think it comes from my love of true crime and horror films to have a sometimes pessimistic or even morbid sense of humor. For someone with generalized anxiety disorder, you would think things like this would initially freak me the heck out but my feelings were the opposite.
About a week or so after my husband left I went to my in-laws to stay for a week. While I was at my in-laws the shutdowns started to happen and things started rapidly escalating with the pandemic. This was towards the end of our first month of this deployment. On top of that, there were a few attacks around where my husband was supposed to be. It was a really scary time for me and as a still relatively new military spouse experiencing my first deployment I didn’t really know how to handle those feelings of anxiety except to put on a brave face.
One of the things I found the most helpful to work through that anxiety was to talk to other people about it who have more experience than me and/or are going through the same thing because even just having that mutual understanding of the fear you are feeling is comforting. Even if you’re only chatting with people through an online community, talking to people that understand your situation is so important right now. So many people within the Made in Mom Jeans Community are going through their first deployment right now and while I wouldn’t wish the current situation on anyone it has been so nice to have a community of support.
One of the biggest things I’ve learned in this first deployment is to let yourself feel your feelings. I am the type of person who will minimize my own feelings just because our situation may not be “as bad” as someone else. For example, this deployment started in August for much of the brigade but my husband didn’t leave until February. I felt as though I didn’t have any right to complain about him being deployed because he hasn’t been deployed as long as others and I felt as though I couldn’t complain about him being delayed in returning home for the same reason.
I would caution you NOT to do this because your feelings are valid regardless of your specific situation and the situations of others. One way or another those feelings are eventually going to come out if you try to suppress them and bottle them up. Feeling your feelings and letting them out is a healthy thing to do. In order to be your best self while your spouse or significant other is deployed you need to be able to stay in touch with your feelings. I’ve started checking in with myself regularly with how I’m feeling through writing and journaling.
Another thing I found really helpful was getting away or getting out of my normal routine. Obviously I went to my in-laws before the shutdowns happened and I know we’re in a really weird time right now with social distancing and self-isolation and the pandemic but hopefully, some of that will be lifting soon. Regardless, there are ways you can stay home and stay safe while also disrupting your routine and giving yourself things to look forward to. When you’re stuck in a routine and every day looks exactly the same it can seem as though time is stalling which is the opposite of what you want during a deployment. Even if you can’t actually get out of your house, I think giving yourself things to look forward to during the first month is critical. One of the ways I’ve found to break up our weeks is by doing a breakfast-for-dinner and movie night with Jasper every Saturday. I get so ridiculously excited for these days it’s not even funny. I’ve been having so much fun trying new recipes and introducing him to movies. He’s only 13 months old so it’s so fun to see which movies catch his eye.
Finally, putting things into perspective really helped me shift my focus from all the fear and uncertainty that have greeted me with this deployment. For the most part, both myself, my son, and my husband are safe. It’s not 2006. They will be coming home. We may have to face the reality of a “new normal” with deployments and pandemics but things could be so much worse.
If you’re going through your first deployment right now I feel for you. Everything is so unprecedented and it really feels like a movie. I do have a post called 53 Pieces of Deployment Advice for your First Deployment that I encourage you to check out because there is some really good advice there from seasoned military spouses all across the world. Their words of encouragement have gotten me through these uncertain times.
Chat Soon, Darrian
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